


Fear of the Unknown

by alwaysholtzbert



Category: Ghostbusters (2016), holtzbert
Genre: F/F, Gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-11-11 10:42:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11146764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwaysholtzbert/pseuds/alwaysholtzbert
Summary: Holtz and Erin were in constant circles. Both wanting more, but always too afraid to say anything. Erin has been acting strangely but no one, including herself, dares discuss why; until Holtz finds herself comforting Erin. Somehow she oversteps the mark, and Holtz is forced to fight for the woman she loves. But will she win?





	1. A Mutual but Hidden Desire

**Author's Note:**

> This was a random two-part fic we decided to write, hope you enjoy!

_ Erin thought she was being discreet. She thought that no one would notice. But they had. They all had. Well, apart from Kevin, but that was to be expected.  _

“When did you start liking Holtz?” 

“Wh-what?” Erin began to blush and fidget with the papers on the desk, avoiding all eye contact as Abby leaned closer. 

“Oh come on Erin, when?” 

“Uh. I mean she was pretty irritating at first but I guess around the time Patty came and we were all a team I got used to her quirks-”

“No, Erin. I don’t mean like her as a friend. I think you know what I mean.” 

“I guess I always did.” She shrugged. 

“Always did what?” Holtz said as she walked in.

“Oh it’s nothing,” Erin nervously tucked her hair behind her ear. “Absolutely nothing.”

A few days passed. Abby thought it best to leave Erin with her thoughts for a while. Erin began to get distant, though. She didn’t want to face Holtz with conflicting thoughts almost exploding from her brain. After finally giving in, Holtz made her way to Erin’s desk.

“We miss you, y’know?” Holtz said, sitting down on the computer chair by the extra desk.

“I’m right here.” Erin continues writing as her voice grows quieter. “Nothing much to miss though.” 

“You should come down later, we’re having a movie night. It won’t be the same without you for me to sleep on.” Holtz grinned. Erin sighed.

“I don’t know Holtz, I really should finish this.” Holtz got up and walked over to her. 

“You’ve been working on this for days. You need a break.” Holtz leant on Erin’s desk.

Erin stares at Holtz’s hand. _They look soft_ , she thought, despite the work they do.

She looked up at Holtz, their blue eyes making contact.

“We can watch The Breakfast Club? I know you like that one.”

“I don’t-

“Nope, that’s enough Gilbert.” Holtz took the pen out of Erin’s hand; she let her, the ends of her fingers brushing lightly against the top of her hand. Holtz pushes the chair Erin was sat on backwards and held out her hand. “Let’s go. We’ve got popcorn to pop, blankets to get under and a movie to watch.” Holtz looked at Erin. “And _some_ of us have tissues to cry into.” Erin smiled slightly and took Holtz’s hand. She pulled Erin towards her, her arms opening. Erin leaned into her slightly. “Let us take care of you. We know you’re stressed. You deserve a break.” Holtz spoke softly.

“Are you sure it’s not just you that’s been concerned? Abby and Patty haven’t talked to me at all these past few days.”

“I’m not sure why. They didn’t say much, but that they wanted to give you some space.”

“Why didn’t _you_?” Erin says, standing a little further away from her now. 

“The only space I know has no gravity.” Holtz smirked as Erin smiled and shook her head. “And I figured you were crossing the fine line between needing space and needing someone. So here I am Gilbert, take me or leave me.” She smiled back as she gently squeezed Erin’s hand before leading her downstairs to the rest of the team, who were setting up for their movie night already.

“Look who I found!” Holtz shouted as Erin gave a gentle wave before sitting down quietly on the empty sofa. She shuffled around awkwardly trying to get settled, but was unsuccessful. Well, that was until Holtz slumped her body directly beside Erin’s, her small and delicate frame somehow providing a comfortable resting place. Abby placed a giant bowl of popcorn on Holtzmann’s knee for them to share, and Holtz automatically dug her hand into the bowl and shoved a handful of popcorn messily into her mouth, with a few pieces spilling over and landing back in the bowl.

“You’re gross, man!” Patty laughed as she picked up a separate bowl of popcorn and carried it to the other couch. “Good luck sharing with her, Er!” 

“She’s already hogging the blanket and we’ve _just_ sat down,”

“Sorry G, my feet are cold and this blanket is not big enough!” Holtz shifted to try and accommodate Erin’s wishes as she started to speak again. 

“Well maybe if you bent your legs and sat on the couch properly-”

Abby and Patty shared a look while the two bickered. They soon all sat comfortably and turned on the movie. Erin had to admit that she needed this; to be in a room with the people she loved, relaxing, rather than sat at her boring desk with an old bland plant staring at her, trying and failing to accomplish anything.

Holtz was glad to be next to Erin- she’d missed her company. She’d missed the sweet smell of the perfume she always wore. She’d missed the sarcastic scoffs and smirks that always followed one of Holtz’s jokes. She’d missed her...Them. _Together._

Holtz had never felt this way around a girl before. She was a very confident and charming individual, who always seemed to know the right thing to say or do to win someone over. And the most astounding part was, she didn't even have to try; it was effortless. But with Erin, it was different. She was still confident and charm oozed out of her like a burst water pipe, but something else stirred inside her too. Something that made her melt when Erin did an action as simple as laughing or smiling, and forced her to have to compose herself and stop a widespread grin from appearing every time she freaked out over an equation or the mess that Holtz had left in the lab. She brought out a different side of Holtz, a softer side, a side that not many people had seen before. But Holtz was happy that Erin was the one that made her feel this way; she couldn’t think of anyone better to open up to. 

However, she couldn’t let Erin know this. Not yet. She didn’t know if she was ready. She knew she wanted to be a part of Erin’s life, she just didn’t know if Erin wanted what she wanted. She wasn’t ready to be shut down, so she carried on exactly how she always had.

But then something happened to Erin. Something that changed everything. 

She began to act differently again. Worse than before, actually. She was practically unrecognisable at this point, and Abby had given up trying to understand why. No matter how many times she tried to speak to Erin directly as well as through indirect measures, she couldn’t get an answer out of her. 

“Erin, please just say _something_. We’re worried about you.”

“Stop worrying,” Erin sighed in frustration, throwing her hands down. She looked up, her eyes dull. “I’m _FINE._ ” She closed her book and pushed back the chair before standing up, “I knew I should’ve just stayed home. Just leave me alone. _All of you_.”

She didn’t mean what she said. She wasn’t in her right mind and the words just came out. She reached for her bag and brushed past Abby before making her way down the stairs heavily. 

“Erin, where are you-” Patty starts before being interrupted by Erin.

“Home.”

Holtz walked quickly behind her. “Er.” She pushed herself between Erin and the door. She saw the tears running down Erin’s cheeks. She went to wipe them but Erin beat her to it. “What’s going on? You can tell me. Please tell me.”

“I’m so sorry. I can’t. Not right now.” Erin left. For the first time in her life, Erin was truly scared. She didn’t know what she was doing, why she was pushing away the people that love her. She wanted to go back in, but her legs had already taken her across the street and straight into a taxi that was conveniently parked nearby. And with that, she was gone. 

\--------

Holtz watched as the taxi sped away under Erin’s instruction, and a deep sigh escaped from her. She wanted to help and to comfort Erin. But Erin clearly didn’t want her help or her comfort, which is exactly what Holtz was afraid of. 

But the truth was, Erin wanted nothing more than to be in the safety of Holtzmann’s arms; she just couldn’t bring herself to say it.

Erin glanced at her phone every few minutes, hoping, praying, that a message would appear. A message asking her to come back to the firehouse, or to meet at Holtz’s apartment to talk. But nothing; which was understandable after how she’d just acted, but there was still a slither of hope that Holtzmann would push the boundaries and contact Erin. But, _nothing._

Erin was absent from work the next day. This came as a shock to the entire team as, even though they knew that she had been acting out of the ordinary, Erin’s first priority was always her work, and so it was unusual for her to not turn up without an excuse. Abby had tried calling her a few times but there was no answer, and she hadn’t replied to Patty’s texts. Holtz didn’t even try. She didn’t want to face the same rejection as the others, because she knew that it would hurt more for her than it did for them. 

Erin dragged herself out of bed at 10:43am, which was extremely late for her. Her daily routine was ruined, but it didn’t bother her, which again was completely out of the ordinary. She slumped herself down on one of the wooden chairs in the kitchen after grabbing a box of cereal and a bowl. After realising she had forgotten to get milk, Erin scoffed and reluctantly poured the dry cereal into her bowl and began to eat it with her fingers. If the old Erin had seen the current one, she would be disgusted. 

She didn’t know how to recover from this, how to fix it. Well, she did, but she didn’t like what she was going to have to do in order to do so. And on top of this, she had isolated herself so much that the thought of even walking back into that firehouse terrified her. She frowned. 

_ My one place of safety, gone.  _ Her multitude of thoughts were occasionally interrupted by the noise of the crunch of cereal, which was becoming very irritating. After it became impossible to stand anymore, Erin pushed the bowl aside and directed her attention towards the 3 day old newspaper that was lying on the worktop. And there they were, on the front cover. All four of them, standing and smiling proudly outside the hotel that they had debunked a week or so ago. Erin’s eyes immediately fell on Holtzmann, standing at the front, one arm slung around Abby’s shoulder and the other thrust in the air as she celebrated yet another victory for the Ghostbusters. And, of course, that cheeky grin. The same one she always wore. Well, except for the last time Erin saw her. 

_ I can’t believe I brushed her off like that _ , she regretted. She got up, walked over to the couch and lay down, pulling the blanket over her and reaching for the remote on the coffee table. She put on a movie, turned the sound down and eventually drifted off to sleep. 

She woke up to someone knocking on her door. She stretched a little before standing up. The knocking continued. “Erin? Are you in there?” Holtz. She’d recognize her voice anywhere. She paused in the middle of her living room, squeezing the carpet beneath her toes anxiously. “Erin?”

She gathered up the courage to step towards the door and open it. There she was. Her hair was messy, the same goes for her clothes. Her arms were laden with a brown paper bag full to the brim, and a potted blue orchid.  

“Jill, I don’t wanna-”  
“We don’t have to talk. I can just be here with you, if that’s what you want.”

Erin looked at Holtz’s expression. It was sincere, concerned. At first Erin hesitated, but then her gaze drifted towards the items that Holtz was holding, and then back to her face again. Holtz cocked her head to the side slightly, waiting for Erin’s response. Erin took a few small steps back and extended her arm to guide Holtz inside her apartment. Holtz nodded and smiled softly, letting her feet take her inside the room. She looked around, taking in her surroundings. It was exactly as she had expected; minimalistic, but still attractive. It was _so_ Erin. Holtz walked around in silence for a few moments, taking in each element of Erin’s life that she had now been exposed to, represented by each little thing in the room. The small potted plants and cacti by the window, representing Erin’s beauty and endurance. The white walls with the thin stripe of pale blue at the top and bottom; subtle, yet elegant. Just like Erin.

Holtz placed the bag and plant on the counter before turning back to Erin, who was still lingering near the doorway, unsure of what to do with herself. 

“I don’t bite y’know. You can come closer to me.” Holtz said, a softened smile on her face. “And don't dare bring up _that time_ with the man from the post office, we all know that his arm was far too close to my mouth and I was concentrating-”

Erin chuckled quietly, remembering the time that Holtz had accidentally bitten a man’s arm during a bust whilst trying to fight a ghost _and_ shake off the terrified 6 foot man that was clinging to her small frame, all at the same time. 

She took a few tentative steps, her eyes focussed solely on her feet as they moved. By this point, Holtz had made herself comfortable on Erin’s sofa, the TV remote held loosely in her hand as she flicked through the channels, her attention drifting between the programmes and Erin, who was still making her way slowly from the doorway. 

“Don't take this the wrong way Er, but have you slept much lately?” Holtz asked, not taking her eyes away from the screen as Erin pottered around behind her.

“Not really, if I’m honest.” Erin sighed as she joined Holtz on the sofa. “It’s obvious isn't it? I’m moody, I can’t stop yawning and I look like shit-”

“Wooow Gilbert, _language_!” Holtz said before leaning closer towards her and sniffing. “You stink, go and shower.”

“I-” Erin blushed, trying to discreetly lift her arm and sniff herself. 

“You’re not really, I’m just kidding. But you should shower. It’ll clear your head.”

“You’re right.” 

“Of course I’m right,” Holtz grinned. “I’m always right.” 

After a few moments of silence, Erin pushed herself up and stepped over Holtz’s legs that were resting on the edge of the coffee table. Holtz put her legs down and Erin smiled as she walked to the bathroom and lit a few candles before stepping into the warm shower. Holtz continued to channel-surf before settling for a familiar game show, where she would shout answers at the screen and roll her eyes at those who gave ridiculous answers. She propped her legs up on the coffee table (Erin would freak out if anyone else _dared_ to do this), and shuffled her body back against the sofa, her head resting in her hand. 

Half an hour passed, before Erin came out from the bathroom wrapped in a towel. For a moment she forgot Holtz was even there, and after realising, scurried back into her bedroom. Holtz sniggered as she watched Erin grasp her towel tightly and press it against their body as if to conceal the secrets of human anatomy. When Erin walked out of her bedroom fully clothed once again, she made her way to the kitchen, where Holtz was humming and getting out plates and the boxes of food from the brown bag she had brought in earlier.

“You didn’t have to do this.” Erin said, sitting down on one of the stools across from the countertop that Holtz had potitioned the plates on. Holtz raised an eyebrow and turned round to face Erin.

“Wait. You mean..I’m _not_ getting paid for this?” She gasped in fake astonishment, before laughing. She smiled at Erin.

“I know I didn’t,” she said softly. “I wanted to. And let’s face it, we both know you haven’t been eating properly these last few days. That’s where we’re the same, you and I. We both ignore our problems and wallow in self hatred and doubt.” 

Erin stared at Holtz. “What?” Holtz laughed, “I’m not wrong, am I?” Erin nodded.

The two sat down in silence and ate, while the TV was on in the background, neither of them focusing on it. 

“You done?” Holtz said, her mouth still a little full. Erin nodded and Holtz took their plates to the kitchen and piled them by the sink. “We’ll get them later.” She returned to the sofa and made herself comfortable again, her body near but not quite touching Erin’s. She wanted to comfort Erin, but right now she didn’t know if that meant wrapping her in a tight hug and not letting go, or just being here to give her something else to listen to rather than just the sound of her own breathing. So she played it out; she didn’t push, she didn’t take a chance. She just waited. 

The time passed and they grew more and more tired, but neither of them slept. They took turns picking a TV show or movie to watch, most of them resulting in Holtz hysterically laughing at the stupid parts and Erin being brought to tears when things got emotional. Holtz teased her for it, but she felt herself well up at a few moments too, although she tried not to show it.  

It fell silent again when the credits started rolling. Erin sighed, staring at the black screen in front of them. Holtz turned to her and frowned. Before she had to chance to speak, Erin’s mouth opened and words fell out. “It’s my mom.” 

“Oh my god, is she-”

“Dead? No, sadly not.” Erin scoffed, but quickly realised that this maliciousness was totally out of character for her, even given the current situation. “Sorry.” Holtz didn't cast judgement, and instead sat patiently waiting for Erin to explain. Erin bit her bottom lip and looked sheepishly in the opposite direction. Her head turned abruptly when she felt some light pressure on her hand. Looking down, her eyes were met with the vision of Holtzmann’s hand resting on top of hers. Soft, just as she expected. Erin’s breath hitched as Holtz gently squeezed her hand in reassurance, urging her to go on. 

“She's just- we,” Erin sighed, “we’ve never seen eye to eye on many things. Or anything, really. She just doesn't understand me at all. She thinks she does, because she thinks she knows who I am but-”

“But she doesn't.” The distance between them grew smaller as Erin nodded. “I get you, Er. I get not being understood.” This is when something clicked for Erin. The confident charismatic woman that she admired, _loved_ even, hadn't had it easy. Not everyone would’ve been able to accept the crazy, outgoing genius for who she was. Not everyone would've been able to understand and learn to love her quirks. Yet Holtz never seemed to let that phase her. And Erin loved that. She loved _her_. But this was exactly what Erin was afraid of all along.

Erin stood up abruptly and walked towards the kitchen. 

“It's getting late Holtz, you should go.”

“Sorry, did I say something wrong? I didn't mean to jump to conclusions Er, I just thought I knew what you meant and-”

“Jill.” Erin’s eyes were fixed on the dirty plate that she had picked up, her back turned to Holtz. “Go.”

Without another word, Holtzmann stood up from the sofa and left the apartment. Erin let the plate fall back into the pile with a clatter and threw her face into her hands as tears began to pour down her cheeks. 

\---------

Holtz made her way back to the firehouse, where she met Abby and Patty. 

“She won't talk,” Despite being frustrated about what had happened, Holtz wanted to keep what Erin _had_ told her between them. “I’ve tried.” She sighed heavily, before putting her head down and making her way up the stairs to her lab. “Let’s just leave her.” 

Holtz spent the entire day alone, tinkering away quietly at old inventions. Usually, multiple ideas would be orbiting her brain at once and she simply did not have enough hands to do all of the things she wanted to do in one day. But today, the ideas were gone. There wasn’t even a single one. All of her inspiration was...gone. 

Every so often her eyes would wander from the scrap pieces of metal over to the chair where Erin would usually be sitting, reading a book. _Empty_. Then over to the desk where Erin would be working on some difficult equations, huffing and puffing when she didn’t complete them within the average time limit. _Empty._ Then, Holtz’s eyes fell on a shiny piece of reflective material on her desk. She locked eyes with her reflection and took a long look at herself. Her pale, expressionless face. _Empty._

This happened for days. Erin had text Abby to say that she was ill and couldn’t make it into work for the next few days, which Abby knew wasn’t true, but she went along with it anyway to take some pressure off of Erin. After all, Abby knew her so well and she knew that when things really bothered her, she needed some alone time.

It was day four of her absence and the team really missed her company and expertise. Especially Holtz. The atmosphere had changed completely. No one really knew what to do with themselves. Patty and Abby remained working downstairs, occasionally discussing certain busts and ghosts that they’d faced, or sometimes just the weather. Holtz, however, barely spoke a word. She came in at the same time each morning, walked straight upstairs with her cup of coffee, worked quietly with no music or distractions, and then gave the others a quick wave on the way out the door before heading home again. No one questioned it, though. They knew something was wrong, but they daren’t ask what. 

Holtz sat in her apartment alone each night. She would put on one of her favourite movies, usually a sci-fi or a cheesy rom-com (which reminded her of Erin), but she barely paid attention to any of them. The nights dragged in and she would eventually give up on trying to distract herself, and ended up in bed before 10pm, which went against her normal nocturnal habits. Usually, she’d lay there for hours staring at the ceiling, replaying the conversation they had _that_ night over and over again in her head, trying to work out what she had said; what had made everything go wrong. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by the buzzing of her phone on the table. Holtz sighed deeply, before reaching up and clutching for her phone. Her eyes widened as she saw the contact name flash upon the screen.

“ERIN- Er, hey. Hey how are you? I didn’t expect you to call.”

“Holtz, we have to talk.” 

“Look Erin,” Holtz sighed nervously, her body now propped up against some pillows. “I’m not sure what I said to you the other night but I’m _so_ sorry if I overstepped the mark and hurt you-”

“No! God no, Holtz this has nothing to do with you. Well, it does, but-” Erin took a deep breath, and Holtz listened to her mumbling to herself at the other end of the phone. In the background there was the sound of people talking, which Holtz assumed was one of those trashy TV shows that Erin watched but wouldn’t admit to. “It’s not your fault, okay? I’m the one who should be apologising. I can’t- I can’t really explain,” Erin began to mumble again, “but anyway I’m sorry and I hope I haven’t made things weird for the team. I’m sure you’ve managed to cope without me.” 

“Well we haven’t fallen into any ghost traps. But I have missed you telling me to turn my music down and to be careful. I’ve been getting away with waaaay too much.” 

Erin smiled, her teeth biting down gently on her bottom lip. “Abby and Patty need to up their game, I’m not impressed.” Her smile quickly turned into a frown. “But you _do_ have to be careful, Jill.” The sound of Holtz’s laughter echoed through the phone, causing Erin to pull the phone away from her ear for a few seconds. Despite it being a particularly piercing sound over the phone, Holtzmann’s laughter was one of Erin’s favourite things to hear. 

“There’s the Erin I know, always concerned about everyone else’s well-being. Don’t worry, when you come back you will see that I have taken some extra Erin-style precautions in the lab.” Holtz smiled to herself, picturing Erin’s reaction in her head. “So.” Holtz breathed, the question tingling on the tip of her tongue. “When _are_ you coming b-”

Holtz’s yawn masked her words. 

“You should sleep Holtz. It’s been a long week, for both of us. Get some rest.” Erin’s voice was soft yet urgent. Holtz opened her mouth to argue, but she was met with another yawn, and so was forced to agree with Erin. 

“Fine, I’ll sleep. I’m so glad we talked this through, it’s good to have ya back Er.” 

“Yeah, I’m glad we talked too. Sleep well, Jill. I-” Erin paused. “I’m so grateful for you. Thank you for everything.” Holtz smiled, whilst simultaneously raising one eyebrow. 

“Getting deep, are we Gilbert?” she snorted, before continuing. “I guess I’m glad you’re around, too. Really glad, actually.” Holtzmann rubbed her eyes with her free hand, trying desperately to keep them open. “Goodnight, Er.” 

“Goodnight, Jill.” The phone call cuts off. 

\------

Holtz lay back in bed, but this time she was more relaxed- relieved, even. It wasn’t her fault. She hadn’t done anything wrong, and she hadn’t upset Erin, which was the main thing. A smile had crept upon her face since she heard the bleep of her phone, and she couldn’t seem to shift it, no matter how hard she tried. Maybe she didn’t want to shift it. Strangely, something else had shifted- her extreme feeling of tiredness. In fact, she had never felt so awake. After trying to sleep for at least 10 minutes, she lifted her phone again. _10:03pm._ 57 minutes before Erin goes to bed. Holtz shot out of bed and threw on some clothes that were lying around her room. She went into the 24-hour store and picked up Erin’s favourite chocolates, and a small bunch of bright orange flowers. Before she knew it, she found herself standing outside Erin’s apartment, knocking rapidly on the door. No answer. She tried again, knocking louder this time. Her hand hovered next to the door for a few moments, but there was no answer. 

“Huh.” Holtz pulled out her phone and searched for Erin in her contacts. 

_ ‘I’m sorry, but the person you called is not available right now.’  _ Holtz sighed, confused, and hung up the phone. She tried again, but the same thing happened. She tried Erin’s apartment phone, but was faced with disappointment again as she listened to it ring from outside, but there was no answer. Holtzmann began to panic, picturing horrible sights of Erin lying unconscious and helpless on the floor of her apartment. She placed the gifts gently on the ground before pressing her shoulder against the door, nudging her body against it to try and pry it open. She pushed hard, but it wouldn’t shift.

“I didn’t think this through when I convinced her to put those reinforced locks on her doors.” she mumbled to herself, still pushing against the door.

“Hey! HEY!” a voice roared from above her. She looked up to see a woman hanging out of her window from the apartment above. “I’ll call the police!” she shouted, as Holtz threw her hands in the air. 

“No, please! I’m not trying to break in- well, I am- but I think my friend is hurt!” 

“Your friend? Nice try, but nobody lives there anymore. I’m phoning the police-”

“No, my friend lives here! Erin? Erin Gilbert? She probably made you call her Dr Erin Gilbert? She’s a bit taller than me, brunette hair with-”

“Erin? W-wait, aren’t you Jillian Holtzmann?” the woman squinted at Holtz, who nodded enthusiastically. 

“Yeah! That’s me, how did you know? Did she talk about me a lot- wait, never mind that just now. She won’t answer my calls and I’ve knocked a few times but she won’t answer the door. She shouldn’t be in bed for another,” Holtz glanced at her watch, “27 minutes!” 

“Honey…” The woman sighed sympathetically, before wandering away from the window, returning again a few moments later. “Come up, I’ve buzzed you in.”

Holtz climbed the stairs and was welcomed into the woman’s apartment. She walked straight over to the sofa and sat down, eager for the woman to tell her more. The woman shifted around awkwardly, clearly struggling to have this conversation with Holtz.

“I’m sorry about all that before, I didn’t realise you were-”

“It’s fine, honest. Please, what’s happening with Erin? Did she tell you something?”

The woman eventually sat down on the sofa opposite Holtz, but continued to avoid eye contact. 

“Please.” Holtz urged, beginning to worry.

“She’s gone, sweetie.” Holtz watched the woman’s lips move. She heard the words she was saying, but somehow she still couldn’t comprehend.

“Sorry, what did you just say? I think I misheard.”

“She’s gone. She left a few hours ago, said she had to go before things got worse, whatever that means.” 

Holtz sat in silence, unable to believe what she was hearing. Erin was..gone? 

“I don’t understand- we _just_ spoke on the phone. We made up, she- I-” 

“I know it must be hard, hun, but if it’s any consolation, she spoke very highly of you. So highly. We’d meet in the garden almost every day and she always had a new story to tell me about you and your crazy ideas. It was my favourite part of the day. And definitely hers too. The way she spoke about you-”

“Did she say where she was going?” Holtz stood up quickly, a sense of urgency pushing her out of the apartment, her phone gripped firmly in her hand as she scrolled to find the number for a cab. 

“Nope. She did leave me her flight number though in case-”

“Can I see it please? Sorry I don’t mean to be rude, I just need to speak to her before she goes. It’s really important. Please.” Holtz’s voice cracked. The woman saw the desperation in her eyes and immediately seeked the flight information. Holtz thanked her and told her that she’d be back, before calling a cab and waiting eagerly on the sidewalk for its arrival.

She waited. And waited. And _waited._ __

_ \-------- _

_‘I wish I could’ve told you face to face, but I’m a coward. I don’t want to make things awkward (even though it’s my speciality) so I thought it was better to just write it all here. Things have been different since I met you. I’ve always tried to follow the rules, to be the person that everyone else wanted me to be. Even though my mom was a **challenge,** ’ _Erin had scribbled over this word countless times to emphasise it, _‘I never disobeyed her or went against her word. I don’t understand why, really. Until I met you, I had never held my head high. I never admitted the things I was interested in or enjoyed because I was too worried that people would cast judgement. But now, you’ve helped me to let go of my fears and just be..well..me. I want to be brave, Jill, I do. But like I said I’m a coward, and so here I am running away from everything again. Maybe Abby was right about me- all of the things she told you about me before we met, maybe those were all true. So I want to say I’m sorry for letting you and the team down, but please know that it’s probably for the best.’_ The word ‘probably’ was written a lot fainter than the rest of the words; whether this was on purpose or not was left to the imagination. _‘I should probably stop writing now before I send you off to sleep. Promise me something- stay safe. Don’t let those crazy brain cells of yours put you in too much danger, just be careful and keep saving that nasty old world out there! Oh, and don’t change, ever. Not for anyone, Jillian.’_ Erin’s handwriting had become slightly sloppier, and it was obvious that her hand had been shaking. She had signed it. _‘_ _ ~~Kind Regards~~_ _,’_ _‘ ~~From~~ ,’ ‘Love and Best Wishes, E x”  _

Erin held the letter firmly in her hands, her eyes stuck to the words she had written a few hours before. She had originally planned to hand it to Holtz; to give her the letter and leave. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it, she just couldn’t say goodbye. She folded it in half and slid it into the envelope she had bought earlier, before tucking in the flap to keep the contents sealed. Using saliva to seal it grossed Erin out- she had always asked Holtz to do it for her and, of course, she happily obliged. Anything to please Erin. After checking four times that the address was correct (you’d think she would be sure by now- it had been her home for a long while), she posted the letter in a postbox located outside one of the shops. As if to intentionally tear her away from the emotional attachment she felt to this letter and the person who was going to receive it, a voice boomed over the speaker.

‘ _Last call for flight HB143to Alabama. Please go to gate 3B.’_ Erin took one last look at the postbox before turning on her heels and following the signs, dragging her suitcase behind her.


	2. An End in A Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> will holtz reach erin in time? read and find out x

“Hey man, I called a cab 15 minutes ago and it still hasn’t arrived.” Holtz’s tone grew unintentionally angry. “I know it’s 10:45 and I know it’s a busy time but” she sighed, “please. Just send one out as soon as you can. Thanks.” She nervously fidgeted with her phone, wondering if it would’ve been quicker to walk back to the firehouse to drive the Ecto-1 herself. But at that, the taxi arrived and she jumped in.

The driver sped off towards her destination as Holtz anxiously looked up the flight times on her phone.

The page took forever to load as Holtz nervously bit her lip in anticipation.

“Come on.” she muttered, tapping the refresh button on her phone repeatedly. Eventually, it loaded.

**Flight HB143: Departs at 11:55pm. Gate closes at 11:25pm.**

Holtz glanced at her watch. 10:59pm.

\---------------------------  
 _“Hey Er, could you pass me that piece of metal please? Yeah, that one.”_

_“You didn’t even look up, how did you-”_

_“Talent, Gilbert.” Holtz said, still not looking up from her work as she extended her hand out and accepted the piece of metal that Erin was giving her. “Plus, you would’ve made a comment about those other pieces. Something about how they should be in the trash, never mind involved in making our equipment.”_

_Erin took another look at the rest of the material lying around. “Well, they should be in the trash. I mean, how is this safe?!” Holtz smirked as she was proved right, Erin now dangling a large sharp piece of bashed metal in front of Holtz’s face._

_“When have I ever played it safe?” Holtz finally looked up at Erin and gave her a signature wink, before taking the dangerous piece of metal from her hand and thanking her. “You need to learn to live life on the” Holtz paused, bringing her finger to the damaged piece of metal and running it along the side, “edge.”_

_“Holtz!” Erin shrieked as she watched blood trickle down Holtzmann’s finger._

_“Oh. Oh yeah. Sharp metal and bare skin don’t mix do they. Quick save the metal.” Holtz thrust the metal into Erin’s hands before running to the bathroom to run her finger under the cold tap to stop the steady flow of blood. Erin sighed, throwing the piece of metal onto the desk before walking towards the bathroom and knocking awkwardly on the closed door._

_“Uh, can I come in?”_

_“No, sorry. My finger’s naked.” Holtz laughed. “Of course you can.”_

_Erin stepped into the bathroom and frowned as the blood continued to mix with the water in the sink. “I can’t believe- well, I can, but you really are a hazard to yourself aren’t you?”_

_“Hey, it was worth it for the pun, right?” Holtz smiled. “You get yourself too worked up over little things, Erin Gilbert. If we played it safe all the time, life would suck, wouldn’t it?”_

_“Just maybe keep your delicate fingers away from sharp metal, okay?” Holtz smiled at Erin._

_“I’m fine.” She shook her finger to get rid of excess water before dabbing it dry as Erin fetched the First Aid box and picked the correctly sized plaster, gently placing it over the cut after applying germolene._

_“Well, if this whole Ghostbusting thing doesn’t work out, you could always be a nurse. I was really just testing your other job options. Incase you wanted to take a risk.” Erin rolled her eyes, smiling at Holtz as she returned to her work bench._

_“Holtz-”_

_“I’ll be careful. Promise.”_

Little did Holtz know that Erin would become such a risk taker.

\--------------------

After what seemed like forever, they arrived at the airport. Holtz quickly forced money into the driver’s hands (giving him a healthy tip as she didn’t have the time to wait for him to count out change), before jumping out of the taxi and heading inside towards the terminal. Her urgent movements were interrupted by the vibration of her phone against her thigh. She reached into her pocket, still on the move, and answered the phone call. Abby.

“Hey Holtz, there’s been a call for a bust at the other side of town. I can’t get in touch with Erin so Patty and I will head there and meet you-”

“Sorry Abbs but I think you guys are on your own for this one.” Holtz began to explain the situation to Abby, who was just as shocked as Holtz was at first.

“But..she can’t just leave, not again.” Holtz could tell that Abby was upset. “Do you know where she’s going?”

“Alabama. The gate’s closing soon. I'll bring her back Abbs, I need to get her because I lov- uh,“ Holtz paused. She’d never really said it out loud before. “I think I um,”

“I know you do.” Abby butts in, before Patty calls from the background.

“GO GET HER BABY!”

“I will Patty.”

Holtz smiled, knowing fine well that they couldn’t see her reaction, before hanging up the phone whilst running to the desk to buy a ticket.

“Can I get one ticket for the next flight to Alabama?”

“Ma’am, the gate closes in 20 minutes are you s-”

“The woman I love is leaving because she's scared that she loves me too. I have to go and get her.” Holtz raised her eyebrows. “Wow. That was a lot cheesier sounding than I thought. Apologies.” The woman stared at Holtz, her mouth slightly gaping. “Uh, yes. I’m sure.” Holtz blushed slightly, unable to understand why she was getting so flustered over a girl.

Holtz pulled out her wallet and handed the woman her credit card, without even listening to the price or any information that was being fed to her. She was too busy staring at the perfectly placed picture in her wallet. It was the whole team, the night after one of their most dangerous busts. They were all holding beer and laughing, packed tightly together for the photo.

“Here's your ticket, Gate 3B. Good luck Miss!”

Holtz thanked her and took to her heels, running through crowds of people and dodging left and right in attempt not to crash into someone.

This is like a damn chick flick; Erin would love to watch this.

Holtz, luckily, got through security quickly and ran to the gate, dodging left and right and practically jumping over suitcases. She arrived at the gate but Erin was nowhere in sight. After another minute of desperately searching the crowds of people and not recognising any as Erin, Holtz assumed that she had already boarded the plane. After all, Erin’s punctuality almost guaranteed that she was most likely first in the queue to board. Holtz wiped sweat from her forehead on her sleeve as she walked down the aisles searching for Erin on the way to her seat. Just then, she caught a glimpse of Erin's hair- tied up in a bun on her head, a few pieces of hair astray.

“ERIN!” The woman turns around. “Sorry.” It wasn’t Erin. She nervously scans the plane but Erin isn't there.

Holtz’s phone rings. She answers immediately without checking who it is, assuming it's Patty or Abby.

“I’M ON THE FLIGHT BUT I CAN’T FIND HER-”

  
“You're on what?” A familiar voice. Not Patty’s. Not Abby’s.

“Er?” Holtz gasps, her eyes darting around the plane looking for someone else on a mobile phone. “Where are you? Which seat? I can't see-”

“Holtz, I’m outside your apartment..I’m sorry I left, it’s just- Wait a minute, how did you know I was at the airpo- ah,” Erin nodded, “Mrs Greene.”

“You’re-” Holtz’ eyes widened. “You’re outside my apartment.” An air hostess approached Holtz, urging her to take her seat as the safety briefings were about to begin. Holtz held the phone away from her ear and conversed quietly with the woman, explaining the confusion and that she had to get off the flight.

“Holtz?” Erin’s voice was quiet, due to the phone now being held to Holtz’s side.

“Holtzmann...Where are you?” Erin asked, hoping that what she thought was happening, wasn't. Holtz pressed the phone to her ear again.

“On my way to Alabama, apparently.” She slumped back in her seat as Erin suppressed a laugh from the other side of the phone.

“Oh no.” Erin pushed her lips together. “Holtz you didn’t-”

“Yup. Apparently they,” Holtz mimicked the overly posh British accent of the air hostess, “simply cannot open the doors again due to safety measures and time restraints.” There was radio silence from each end of the phone call. After a few seconds, both of them burst into fits of laughter.

“God I'm sorry, this was supposed to be a romantic declaration of my affection. Nothing says I love you like a solo flight to Alabama, huh?” Holtz laughs, as Erin echoes her laughter.

“Yeah I kn- Wait.” She pauses, clearing her throat. “Says what?”

“Oh.” Holtz awkwardly laughs. “This is not how I pictured this moment, but hey I guess we just have to wing it.” Holtz snorted at herself as Erin murmured in disgust, before telling her to go on. “Anyway, Erin. There's no one else in this world that I would travel to Alabama and back alone for, and if you’d allow me, I’d like to take our relationship to new heights.”

“Holtzmann! Stop with the stupid puns, please!”

“Sorry Gilbert, but you have to learn to take on my extra baggage.”

“Jillian.”

“Okay okay,” She smiled at the sound of Erin calling her by her first name. “I’m sorry, that was the last one, I swear.” Holtz chuckled, bathing in the satisfaction of winding Erin up. “I mean it though Er. I-”

“Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to turn your phone off now.”

“Shit Er, I gotta go. Alabama is waiting for me.” Holtz gave one last chuckle, before returning to a more serious tone. “I’ll phone you when I get there and we can have a proper talk about us.” Erin smiled just at the sound of Holtz referring to them as ‘us’.

“Okay, have a safe flight, and I’m so sorry about this Holtzmann, I can’t believe this has happened-”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s an adventure, you know I love an adventure. I’m just glad that the idea of us being together is really taking off-”

“Bye, Jillian.” Erin laughed, desperately wanting to end this conversation before Holtz managed to squeeze in another pun.

“Bye, Er.”

The line went dead, and Erin clutched the phone to her chest, a smile beaming across her face. How could such a ridiculous situation be so... ridiculously perfect?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to comment with any holtzbert fic prompts xxx hope u enjoyed !


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